from now on my penis is your penis
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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