well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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