i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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