Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
