She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
