Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
