i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
