I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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