Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
