cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
