I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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