Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
