Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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