I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
