I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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