who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
