I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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