She is in my trunk
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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