its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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