the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
