i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
