I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We got so high we made milksteak
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
