spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
