Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
