I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
