Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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