Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
