No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
