i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
