making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
