I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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