Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
