Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
