Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
