youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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