i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
