Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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