Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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