There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
