So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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