I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
