well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
my liver is dry heaving
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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