After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
