They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
