i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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