You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
