Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
