I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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