what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
