I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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