Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
