I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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